Talk about getting older…

Sometimes, I just have to sit back and laugh. Like some of you, I’m sure, I’ve noticed that the band has commenced with their US tour. My sister was at what ended up being their first show, in Chicago. I have her word that it was “awesome”. Coming from her, given that she would tease me incessantly about them when we were younger, along with knowing that her seats were not down in front but rather up near the rafters, I’d say the show had to have knocked her socks off. So, I did know they were touring, and along those lines, I did think to myself that “wow, I guess the Vegas shows are getting close.” And…that was about it. I just haven’t had a ton of time lately. There’s been a firestorm of just really crazy things happening in my family, and there hasn’t been much time for me to get excited about much of anything.

Even so, I do occasionally take a quick second to check Twitter, and even exchange texts with the friends I’ll finally get time to visit with in Vegas. One of them was also in Chicago, and she texted a picture of a fan she’d bought at the show. A paper fan for air circulation, mind you. They’re not selling PEOPLE, at least not yet. 😀

I laughed when I saw the picture. I do recall a blog I’d co-written for another site during the Paper Gods tour on aging fans. We made some very serious, and some not-quite-so-serious merchandising suggestions to “the band”. One of those suggestions was indeed, a fan.

Here’s the deal: I’m now 51, no longer 15. My screams have not only come down an octave, but nowadays, I’m hoarse after the first song. My body reminds me on the regular that the 1980s were a long time ago. My ass is dragging, my chest isn’t too terribly far behind (and it could take someone’s eye out if swing around fast enough), and you know what else? Hot flashes are no freaking joke. I will go from feeling normal to feeling as though my body is about to combust in a nanosecond.

At this point in my life, Duran Duran is far more likely to sell me a fan than they’ll ever be to sell me a “girls fit” t-shirt again, and I’m betting I am not alone. Sure, I could be indignant, I could botox myself to high heaven and back, but the fact is – I am 51. I’ve been at this fan stuff a long time now. I’m proud to be my age and still going to concerts and enjoying the music I love. My mom sure as hell never did this kind of thing, and I’m still at it. That’s good enough for me. I’ll see you all in line for the merch booth, and I’ll give you one guess as to what I’m buying!

As I was doing my quick Twitter scan yesterday, I realized something rather important. Vegas is next week. NEXT. WEEK. What is funny about that – at least to me because self-deprecating humor is my speciality – is that I have been saying since March that I need to get myself back into concert shape. Time to get real about this: I have no idea what that really means beyond being able to fit into my jeans again, and that ship has sailed, my friends. It is gone, and it doesn’t seem to be coming back for me. Sure, I could have, and should have started working out again at some point. I could *easily* blame my lack of time on my mom and aunt. Being a caregiver is the hardest thing I’ve done. But the truth is, I’m sitting here, on my butt writing a blog when I could be sweating. Walking. Lifting weights. Doing THINGS. Nah. I’d really rather not.

So, next Wednesday I fly to Vegas. Imperfect. Pretty damn tired. A little nervous, too, if I’m being honest. But there is a teensy part of me that also doesn’t really care anymore. Spoiler alert: I’m not a model! I’m not thin! I’m pretty average. Looking in the mirror used to really bother me. I’d see the rolls and chub, the lines and shadows. I don’t know why it bothered me so much. I am married, I have three kids, I’ve done real things with my life. Why did it matter to me what other people saw, or thought? I don’t know, but it did. I think it is because I assume(d) that what I see in the mirror is what other people see. The truth is that none of that should matter. It is a constant struggle for all of us, I think. Bottom line is that I can’t wait to see my friends, who I know will accept me no matter what – and I can’t wait to have some fun.

That reminds me, if you’re going to Vegas and will be around on Friday night, you should join us at the Hard Rock Cafe! Jason, also known as @velvetrebelmusic on Twitter, will be hosting Future Past – a dance party and meet up. Best news about this is that none other than Dom Brown will be doing a special DJ set that night! Hope to see lots of you there. Just look for me and my fan….

-R